why me?

This statement stuck out of a conversation I was having with a friend earlier today and has been rattling around my mind ever since. "Why me?" We've all heard this phrase before and have probably said it a few times in moments of frustration. It has such a negative connotation to it. "Why me?" It eludes this idea that we are entitled to some things and that other not so pleasant happenings should stay far away from us. "Why me?" Why not you? Why not me? Why do we feel like we are all so deserving of everything? I don't want to harp on the harsh realities of this world but lets be honest. Americans and those of the western society have this idea that there are certain standards that our lives should abide by and if those things do not occur we feel as if we are being treated unfairly and are being gypped out of something. This initial feeling is to be expected but it's backed by this idea that we are deserving. Are we deserving people? What makes us deserving? What are we deserving of and why do we deserve some things and not others?

The society I grew up in is that of a American of a low to mid SES (social economic status). We were taught to get and education, find a career, and make something of ourselves in order to strive for that American dream. Dream but not too big. Aim high...but, um, maybe not that high. I have been blessed that I never had to live on the streets, I have never had a day without food, and I have always had adequate and sound shelter. Everything past that I find myself to be beside myself with gratitude. We live in a place where there are minimal natural disasters, where you can get an education, and where you can make your choices accordingly. Granted, I do feel like I deserve certain things but when I take a step back, most of those things are just that; things, stuff, what have you. I do not actually deserve anything unless I have worked for it in some way. I have begun to release this grasp on the idea that materialistic items are necessary and required for my happiness. It's incredibly liberating letting go.

We live in this egocentric society that makes the 80's-me-generation look like a humble group of school kids. We take so much for granted and we expect even that much more. I am not trying to say that this applies to every person because nothing ever does but look around. There is a horrific television show about teens who get an over the top elaborate birthday party in which they spend more then I would dream on spending on my wedding and then throw a fit when they get a Lexus instead of a Hummer. This show was such a hit that they decided to perpetuated this horrific lack of respect and gratitude by investing the idea in a big screen film. The biggest portal of my frustration comes from one single entity. There is a woman who now has 14 children after giving birth to 8 children at one time. Normally I would have no qualms with people's family dynamics except that she became pregnant with the octuplets via in vitro which she paid for with the welfare checks that she was receiving to support the 6 children she already had. She was offered $1 million dollars to star in a pornographic movie, which she turned down, but accepted the deal to be in a UK reality show where each of her children will be receiving $250 per day to star in the show.

Back to my point. "Why me?" Why not me? I have been so blessed to have the life that I have. I am sure that, just as everything in the world balances out, I will have my own struggles. I believe that those struggles are worth all the beauty I am to experience. I do not welcome the hardships in my life but have come to an understanding that they must occur. Just as the sun rises and sets and the light of the day turns into darkness and back into light, I must expect the negative with the positive. "Why me?" I ask this with light and an upbeat demeanor. How did I become so lucky to have the wonderful interpersonal relationships with such wonderful beings? Why am I so deserving to experience the beauty of the sun set and that of the skies, mountains, bodies of water, and that of all the nature among the earth. Why am I the one that has the means to be able to choose the food I eat and the things I do. Why me? Well...why not me?

17 Sept 2009/LAS - SEA

Good morning friends and neighbors. It is 5 in the morning and I am getting to McCarran and to my surprise it is fairly busy with the hustle and bustle of people dropping off friends, family, acquaintances, and those they feel they owe something to because they slept with them but did not have any intention of calling again. I check my bag with the skycap and mossy on in to wander the dreary neon and florescent halls of worn carpet and incoherent bodies. It's just freakishly early for those who went to bed a mere few hours prior to their arrival here.

I stand in line to board the aircraft and I hear the pitter pattering feet of a human not yet fully developed. I turn around to see a fair haired 2 (or so) year old boy with a look of eager curiosity. Almost coming out of his shoes from running with excitement he stops at the voice of his father. "No cutsies. Stay behind this nice lady because she got here first." I smile to myself both, because of the cuteness of the little running child, and because of the kind father who is trying to teach his child social courtesies.

He continues, "Sean, no cutsies. You don't want to cut in line because that's cutsies. If you don't follow the rules and stay in line, you know what that creates? Anarchy." Awesome. I just fell in love with this father's humor and parenting technique. A few others can't help but chuckle at this remark and I care to join them in the laughter and appreciation of this man. Sean, the little boy, starts to move up again only to have his father quickly say, "Oh! You're going to create anarchy." The young one stumbles as he tries conforming the words "create anarchy" and I think to myself, "I think I am going to like these people."

I fall asleep during take off and awake to the pilot's voice over the intercom. "We will be landing in Seattle in approximately 20 minutes..." and so on and so fourth. Slightly groggy yet full of excitement I rub my eyes to awake myself. I turn to the window and Seattle welcomes me: